It's another anniversary. I wrote a post on the day it happened. In my post I said that I believed we could make it. We did make it. We were okay, my mom and I, until the end. Looking through her stuff today made me think of how I'd help her at her appointments. She … Continue reading Goodbye: A Reflection
Days 208-213
Day 208: Coding. Mood declines. Take a nap. More coding into the night. Maybe not so much coding as trying to clean up the code. Day 209: Manage to get my writing juices flowing and write a super short story (that I find amusing) that I could expand on. Also more code cleaning until I … Continue reading Days 208-213
Decay
I've felt for so long that once my parents were gone, I could finally end it. Now I'm here in this strange place alone, and I can feel that I want to be gone too. They're not here anymore so why should I even be here? I don't even know what I'm doing here, both … Continue reading Decay
Growth
I recently told someone (i.e., my therapist) that when I thought of the word "growth," I thought of tumors and that growth was not always a good thing. Even without the tumor analogy, I haven't always had the best idea of "growth" with people left and right talking about "growth, growth, growth" in the context … Continue reading Growth
Uncertainty
So maybe death is an illusion (an illusion in the sense of it not being the end that we think it can be) and maybe we're eternal, but of course these are just maybe's. Though many may speak with self-proclaimed certainty, how does one know that one knows? And then how does one know that … Continue reading Uncertainty
Days 200-207
Day 200: Paycheck deductions have me looking forward to getting out of here again. Day 201: Ye old depression. Day 202: More existential dread and depression. Day 203: Emotional breakdown of sorts in the morning followed by a milder mood and productive enough day. Moving my car, including the thought of needing to do so, … Continue reading Days 200-207
Days 194-199
Day 194: Didn't have that tea the night before. Instead, ended up falling asleep before I knew it. Stay indoooors. Work on a couple of my projects a bit, but spend a lot of the day watching let's play videos on YouTube. (What I usually watch. Who needs to buy video games when you can … Continue reading Days 194-199
Days 181-193
Day 181: A welcome day of not stepping outside. Day 182: Do laundry (for the first time here) super early before my day starts and to avoid people. The machines are small and say not to overload because they're not responsible for damage to your clothing, but it's not like my clothes are expensive and … Continue reading Days 181-193
Day 180
It can seem so difficult to get certain errands done around here. I ended up driving on a freeway (an infamous one) not realizing how far the place I wanted to go was and to no avail because I don't think it was open (I had to drive there to confirm because calling the number … Continue reading Day 180
Days 177-179
Day 177: A work from home day. Feel as if my life isn't that fundamentally different. A similar life in a different location. Day 178: Early morning walk to work as I'll likely do from now on. First full 8 hours on site, which wasn't so bad. Still in the phase where I don't have … Continue reading Days 177-179
