Day 173: Put some things away and do some cleaning around the place. After lounging about, feel like I want to get out so let my phone navigate me to a hiking trail. Feel surprised at my ability to balance and descend mountains. Like how did I manage not to go hurtling off the side … Continue reading Days 173-176
Day 172
Feel delighted when I finally find where to take my trash and laundry! Now I just need a key that actually opens my mailbox. Accept the same person's invitation for lunch (day 168), but decide to take the hour-long walk instead of the ten-minute drive this time. Think about how much exercise I can get … Continue reading Day 172
Days 166-171
Day 166: Wake up depressed but manage to get myself outside. An hour long walk to see what it would be like to walk to work because driving here isn't the most fun thing in the world. On the hour long walk back, feel more than ready to get home. Feel like I don't want … Continue reading Days 166-171
Day 165
Workplace preview. Feel grateful that people are helpful and supportive. When driving, feel like I want to leave ("Why do I live here!?") even though I just got here. Make it back home (to my relief) and return to the closet that I've been treating as a bedroom. (Look, it's too bright and open in … Continue reading Day 165
Days 161-164
Day 161: Hit the road. The expedition begins. Oscillation between depression and enjoyment. Day 162: Day 2 of achy butt cheeks. Confused by time zone changes. Less depression but more emotionality in thinking about my parents. Day 163: More time zone confusion. Apparently one state can have a different time zone depending on the season??? … Continue reading Days 161-164
Days 153-160
Day 153: Oscillate between good and depressed and good and depressed and... Feel that I'm tired of trying and want to give up and not care but then get a potentially promising call about the thing I submitted just yesterday. Feel that this is similar to the days up to and including day 31 with … Continue reading Days 153-160
Emergent
I'm scared. I'm scared of this change but I'm trying to do it anyway. It's moreso external obstacles than internal, because as soon as I'm over the external obstacles, it's all go from here. This can feel hard. And I can feel that I have so much to do on my own. I don't know … Continue reading Emergent
Days 146-152
Day 146: More enjoying my leisure time. Enjoy time outside. Find a book online and finish it. Day 147: make up for getting sidetracked yesterday and spend the day learning Day 148: The studying. The slight burn out. But I want to know the thiiiiiiings! Day 149: Wonder why I care so much. Why should … Continue reading Days 146-152
Days 140-145
Day 140: Stress becomes amusement and excitement. Have an uncomfortable discussion during therapy involving unwarranted shame. Bite the bullet and submit an application. Day 141: Decide not to take the trip vector on the trip with me and to get rid of it, but write about how it's helped me over the years (I regret … Continue reading Days 140-145
Days 133-139
Day 133: After feeling stressed about it, find it funny how I feel I don't know what I'm doing yet I'm being thrust into it thanks to the Opportunity (The Thing). Feel I'm just going with the flow. Too glued to my computer to get much done. Unintentionally find inspiration that reignites my excitement for … Continue reading Days 133-139
