My mundane but extraordinary accomplishments this week: I managed to order groceries after three to four weeks of struggling to do so existential dysphoria ("Ugh, having to feed myself SUCKS.") and just finding it easier and more preferable not to bother I got the inspection over with!! So, regarding the latter, I made it through … Continue reading Begending
Single-Tasking
The morning started with depression. I had a package waiting for me outside that had been delivered yesterday. I was going to wait until the night or the wee hours of the morning to get it because not only did I not want to step outside, I didn't want to be seen by anyone. I … Continue reading Single-Tasking
Candle-Lit Cake
Some time after writing my previous post, I actually started to feel good about being alive. I had a whim to get a bike. Even before I lived here, I thought about getting a bike to get around. But ever since being here, I'm still afraid of Running people over Being run over And also … Continue reading Candle-Lit Cake
Alive
The bathroom floor. That's where I've been sleeping and hanging out for the past few days/nights. It's somewhere to be alone, and an isolated space away from my cat whom I can feel can want and provide too much affection. First it was my mom and now it's the cat. On the next page is … Continue reading Alive
Biolimits
After two weeks of sipping the tea, I've had my mix of depression and euphoria. Though yesterday's appointment for a potential future thing went well enough, I left questioning everything. The seven-mile walk home was filled with self-doubt (What am I doing??); wishing I wasn't like this, as I've done before; and frustration with life/biology … Continue reading Biolimits
Chamomile Tea
Yesterday, I lay around for much of the day. I felt so tired and even napped two times. I thought maybe it was a combination of my lack of sleep the previous night and walking ten miles the previous day. Despite the extra sleep I got, though, I've felt tired and sleepy and I napped … Continue reading Chamomile Tea
May 10 = Day 1
After about a year of considering it, I have begun "the thing" today. Yesterday, I felt so excited about the prospect of starting. I felt I had an exciting reason to get up the next day. Today, though, I dragged myself out of bed cot (My ten-mile walk didn't help me get the restful sleep … Continue reading May 10 = Day 1
Hope Resurrected
Last post, I said, In addition to three months later, I look forward to three days later, when I hope to get a more sufficient answer about starting the thing I've been waiting to start. Well, it turned out to be one day later rather than three days. Like last Monday, I neglected work yet … Continue reading Hope Resurrected
Three Twenty-Eight
I thought I wouldn't be doing the special delivery like I'd hoped to, that I'd have to drop it off since personally delivering it became to seem too far-fetched. Monday, eleven days after making the drop off, I called to find that it still hadn't been picked up. The person on the phone said they … Continue reading Three Twenty-Eight
Info Glutton
It seems that perhaps I am an information glutton. I need answers. I need information. I need to know what's going on, or at least have a general idea. The most recent person I visited (to get answers about "the thing" I've been wanting to start) has turned out not to be beneficial for that. … Continue reading Info Glutton
Currently Untitled 