Day 33: Stay at home and busy most of the day. Work to make everything fit in the car for the sake of convenience. Feel glad that I have a target date to work toward. Feel grateful to my mother. Day 34: Cry in the morning because of existence. Feel depressed. Feel panicky because I … Continue reading Days 33-35
Days 31 & 32
Day 31: After agonizing over the uncertainty, have anxiety about the certainty. Day 32: Find old writing of mine criticizing society and the state of the world and feel the same existential dread. Have an "unplanned" therapy session (yay validation!) then feel inspired to try again to get some extra protection, which involves people interaction. … Continue reading Days 31 & 32
Escape
I'm afraid. Afraid of being on my own, having no one but myself to rely on. I feel reluctant to continue on the path laid before me. I feel that I want to escape this. I don't want to have to deal with "adult things." And the fear of making one wrong move, of one … Continue reading Escape
Day 30
Anxiety after interacting with people during a self-imposed errand. Why is it that I can be fine during interactions, but after it feels like razor blades? Still waiting. Wonder if I should be doing more in this regard or just hope for the best with the one application. Entertain the idea of quitting everything and … Continue reading Day 30
Day 29
Irritability. Feel stressed as the days are passing. Go from looking forward to the future to dreading it. Wishing decisions and dates were known rather than uncertain.
Days 27 & 28
Day 27: Get a tiny bit of work done and make some progress, but mostly procrastinate. Revel in the current simplicity and chillness of my life. Day 28: Feel anxious about the (academic) path before me as I feel that I'm out of my element, don't know what I'm doing, and don't really want to … Continue reading Days 27 & 28
Days 21-26
Day 21: Depression galore Day 22: Who knew hyperventilation could help with ideation? Day 23: Procrastinate. Continue to feel I don't care anymore about my "duties." At least the mood is better. Day 24: Feel better after resolving a misunderstanding rather than continuing to seethe in silence. Get another major thing checked off the to-do … Continue reading Days 21-26
Days 15-20
Day 15: Get more things taken care of. Day 16: More people interaction. Feel agitated. Take a trip. Day 17: Appreciate the insightful trip. Stay home. Make progress sorting through stuff. Day 18: Try to go through more stuff but end up having a breakdown of sorts. Take care of an errand after calming down. … Continue reading Days 15-20
None of us asked to be here. None of us asked to want what we want. None of us asked to be this way. And here we are. What do we do about it?
Day 14
Find myself unable to fall back asleep, after napping for an hour or two, until four in the morning. But have to wake up early for a meeting. Feel more confident for some reason. In the meeting, ask questions regardless of whether they might be considered stupid or not. On an errand, communicate with someone … Continue reading Day 14
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