For about a decade now, I have often felt that I want to die. Perhaps I can honor this desire, not in a physical sense, but in a metaphysical sense. If I view change to be death--that is, to change would be to die--then, as I desire death, I can embrace change. Perhaps it doesn't … Continue reading Death Wish
Days 78-85
Day 78: Ambition might be fading, but at least I made some progress on things while it lasted. Day 79: Watch anime. Day 80: park. good project progress Day 81: Binge watch an anime and have an existential crisis. Day 82: Say hi again to depression and apathy. They're not the worst they could be … Continue reading Days 78-85
Day 77
Pacing back and forth at two in the morning. I find voice journaling helps. Sleep-deprived chillaxation. Haven't been outside because don't want to sweat and then have to do laundry sooner. At times feel like I'd rather not do life anymore--a depressing overwhelm--but then feel content with my life. I can do stuff from home … Continue reading Day 77
Day 76: Alone
I felt alone today. It's 10pm and I currently feel alone. Earlier I felt I could handle it, but now it's like maybe the aloneness has morphed into anxiety? I fell asleep and woke up feeling this way. Perhaps I just need to preoccupy myself with something. Anxiety. Fear of... the future? I suppose I … Continue reading Day 76: Alone
Days 71-76
Day 71: Feel that I don't want to do this anymore but then trip out of the situation. Feel grateful for the extra therapy session beforehand. Day 72: Sleep deprivation (2-3 hours sleep) but good mood nonetheless after overcoming a shaky start to the day. Day 73: Good mood continues. Spend a significant part of … Continue reading Days 71-76
Days 62-70
Day 62: chill Day 63: smol internet watch party Day 64: lose cat, find cat. feel not okay for much of the day Day 65: ??? Day 66: master procrastinator but feel better as I ignore obligations so whatever Day 67: Discover that skating to the park takes half the time to get there and … Continue reading Days 62-70
Days 53-61
Day 53: Get lost in the wired. Day 54: Chill Day 55: Aside from some irritability, more chill. Projectile neglect and terminal indulgence with the beginning of a personal book project. Day 56: Introspective, affirming therapy session Day 57: Haven't stepped outside, or showered, in a number of days. Have my daily dose of existential … Continue reading Days 53-61
Days 38-52
Day 38: Laze around all day. It's raining to add to the mood I guess. Order a cat tree. Day 39: Go on a trip. "Zookeepers" try to keep the "zoo animals" here even though the "zoo animals" want to leave. Day 40: Assemble the cat tree, the only furniture in here. Day 41: Stay … Continue reading Days 38-52
Day 37
I wrote this in February of last year and I feel the same way right now. There's nothing in this world for me,Nothing that I want or need.All I want is to be free.Would someone end my misery?Fuck responsibilities. Obligations? God, please shoot me.Fuck attempting to impress;I want to stay true to myself. There must … Continue reading Day 37
Day 36
I wanted to wait until this milestone was achieved before I unprivated the previous days' posts, which I had decided to make private for reasons. So anyway, the milestone: Day 36: Move.
Currently Untitled 