Emergent

I'm scared. I'm scared of this change but I'm trying to do it anyway. It's moreso external obstacles than internal, because as soon as I'm over the external obstacles, it's all go from here. This can feel hard. And I can feel that I have so much to do on my own. I don't know … Continue reading Emergent →

Uncharted

For the past few nights now, I've woken up around midnight and failed to get back to sleep. During this time, I can find myself thinking about the person who's no longer physically here. Tonight is no different. The Future and Life Itself So maybe I'm afraid—fearful of the future, fearful of living. Feeling stressed … Continue reading Uncharted →

Day 76: Alone

I felt alone today. It's 10pm and I currently feel alone. Earlier I felt I could handle it, but now it's like maybe the aloneness has morphed into anxiety? I fell asleep and woke up feeling this way. Perhaps I just need to preoccupy myself with something. Anxiety. Fear of... the future? I suppose I … Continue reading Day 76: Alone →

Quality/Quantity

Often times, quality can be better than quantity—when it comes to life for example. Why eek it out to 100 years if you can be fairly certain that you're going to live in agony when you could have a higher quality of life by living only half as long? I think in many cases, people … Continue reading Quality/Quantity →

Frightened

Perhaps a bit of a strong word. Maybe I'm not frightened but apprehensive or simply scared. It's like I want to write about it, as I currently have no one to confide in about this concern, but I also don't want to, as though putting what's in my head into words will make it more … Continue reading Frightened →

Peh

Premises What if my premises are wrong? Then my conclusion does not follow. Premises can consist of beliefs which can be fact-based or opinion-based. Facts are either right or wrong while opinions are neither right nor wrong. People can come to find that what they took to be true isn't true, or they could change … Continue reading Peh →

Liminal II

Again I'm in the waiting room. Again I've passed the point of contentedly coasting and reached the point of wanting something to happen. Last time I left here for a master's degree because I felt I didn't know what else to do with myself. I want to do something*, but the vague opportunities require more … Continue reading Liminal II →

Absurdity II

The human mind is like the dream and life itself is like waking life. Humans try to construe life to make sense to them, attempting to categorize things, drawing lines that end up being essentially arbitrary. Maybe the very idea of making sense is merely a human thing, or a mind thing. Does that make … Continue reading Absurdity II →

Absurdity

I can feel like I don't want to be part of this world. When I'm dreaming, what happens in the dream can seem to make total sense. Then I wake up and reflect on the dream and realize that it didn't make sense. It didn't make sense that I could breathe underwater. It didn't make … Continue reading Absurdity →

Slipknot

Lately I've been resistant and contrarian. I realize that my perspective is merely that–a perspective–yet I have difficulty being open to the contrary. I think it's at least partly because I think I have reached this perspective from logical conclusions. Perhaps I am afraid of letting go of what I consider to be logical. The … Continue reading Slipknot →