Insanity

I can have feelings/thoughts of cognitive dissonance surrounding therapy, when therapeutic approaches can seem so outer focused (how to help you cope with the world as it is) and I can feel I'd rather detach from the reality/world at large. Though it might be insightful to relate my experience to intersectionality, for example, I can … Continue reading Insanity →

350

For the past four years, I've made a post on January 5. The first two were unintentionally on the same day. The third was intentional, and the fourth wasn't completely intentional. This post is intentional, and, fittingly, it's my three-hundred-fiftieth post. This post will be similar to 2023's post: a reflection of what happened since … Continue reading 350 →

Salvation

Salvation, damnation -- I could have made either choice in my last apartment. After one fateful trip, I'd come to the conclusion that choices poise alternate realities in which those choices have been implemented. Solutions already tried and failed. And then it seems we forget and so we end up trying the same things and … Continue reading Salvation →

Eterni-phobia

I'd been avoidant of again listening to Purity Ring's song "Begin Again" (from their aptly named album Another Eternity). Because I don't always like the idea of eternity, of eternal recurrence. Of life (and thus the suffering—not only my own but others' too) continuing on and happening again and again and again. Of reliving life. … Continue reading Eterni-phobia →

Alive

The bathroom floor. That's where I've been sleeping and hanging out for the past few days/nights. It's somewhere to be alone, and an isolated space away from my cat whom I can feel can want and provide too much affection. First it was my mom and now it's the cat. On the next page is … Continue reading Alive →

2 5ths

Remember, remember the 5th of... January. In 2021, I made a blog post on January 5th, and in 2022 I made a related post on January 5th. I find it interesting how that occurred, so I'm doing so again, but this time intentionally. First, two years ago, I wrote the post Feariosity in which I … Continue reading 2 5ths →

Simplicity

Moving here—I feel I enjoyed the journey more than I enjoy the destination. On the way here, I splurged a bit on the food and lived life at least a little during that time. Man... that food is nostalgic, like that crispy tofu sandwich or that burrito that I ordered and didn't realize would be … Continue reading Simplicity →

Decay

I've felt for so long that once my parents were gone, I could finally end it. Now I'm here in this strange place alone, and I can feel that I want to be gone too. They're not here anymore so why should I even be here? I don't even know what I'm doing here, both … Continue reading Decay →

Uncertainty

So maybe death is an illusion (an illusion in the sense of it not being the end that we think it can be) and maybe we're eternal, but of course these are just maybe's. Though many may speak with self-proclaimed certainty, how does one know that one knows? And then how does one know that … Continue reading Uncertainty →

Emergent

I'm scared. I'm scared of this change but I'm trying to do it anyway. It's moreso external obstacles than internal, because as soon as I'm over the external obstacles, it's all go from here. This can feel hard. And I can feel that I have so much to do on my own. I don't know … Continue reading Emergent →