Defy

Despite whatever threats there may be, I will do this anyway. Despite any fears, I will live and do as I will to what is mine. It is my right, and for me to stop, they will have to pry it from my cold dead hands. And if they do, I will haunt them when … Continue reading Defy →

Chamomile Tea

Yesterday, I lay around for much of the day. I felt so tired and even napped two times. I thought maybe it was a combination of my lack of sleep the previous night and walking ten miles the previous day. Despite the extra sleep I got, though, I've felt tired and sleepy and I napped … Continue reading Chamomile Tea →

Polarized

It started with changing my name. First as a preferred name—which brought about anxiety, excitement, an emotional high—and then the process of making it a legal name. During that process, there were things brought to my attention, things that I'd had thoughts, even passing ones, of doing before. Given my new found situation within the … Continue reading Polarized →

Decay

I've felt for so long that once my parents were gone, I could finally end it. Now I'm here in this strange place alone, and I can feel that I want to be gone too. They're not here anymore so why should I even be here? I don't even know what I'm doing here, both … Continue reading Decay →

Day 76: Alone

I felt alone today. It's 10pm and I currently feel alone. Earlier I felt I could handle it, but now it's like maybe the aloneness has morphed into anxiety? I fell asleep and woke up feeling this way. Perhaps I just need to preoccupy myself with something. Anxiety. Fear of... the future? I suppose I … Continue reading Day 76: Alone →

Day 37

I wrote this in February of last year and I feel the same way right now. There's nothing in this world for me,Nothing that I want or need.All I want is to be free.Would someone end my misery?Fuck responsibilities. Obligations? God, please shoot me.Fuck attempting to impress;I want to stay true to myself. There must … Continue reading Day 37 →

It’s Better Right Now

I read through a notebook I used to write in five years ago. It's pretty depressing. I really feel for myself. Back then, I couldn't feel much of anything but depression and apathy, the pain of Nothing. I'm so happy now that I can feel again. I can feel joy again. I don't feel just … Continue reading It’s Better Right Now →

Self-Criticism

I find it funny how the one usually laughing or cringing at me is myself. I can imagine everyone else, in regards to something I might do, is like, "Eh, it's fine," and I'm like, "Are you kidding me!? It's not fine!" It's like I feel like I'm not good enough and I project those … Continue reading Self-Criticism →

Self-expression

I feel like I suck at expressing myself. I'm more of a jack-of-all-trades kind of person, so there isn't really one thing in particular in which I excel. It's usually either fear or a perceived lack of skill (or fear because of a perceived lack of skill) that hinders me, and I often feel that … Continue reading Self-expression →