Transmaterial

Envisioning Some people want to take over the world. I want to get away from it. A place where time doesn't matter. A world where you never have to wash anything. No laundry necessary. A world where you never have to take out any trash. A world where you never have to do any cleaning … Continue reading Transmaterial →

Car

A few hours after having my car battery replaced on the side of the street (day 315), I realized that battery was the one that my mom had bought. I hadn't thought about it and felt sad that I hadn't gotten a picture of it. And when I realized, I kinda felt like I'd lost … Continue reading Car →

Dying

My death wish—I am getting it. To reestablish myself over a thousand miles away in a place with hundreds of times as many people. Concerns abound, but at this rate... at this rate... Perhaps I really will feel like I am dying. The stress, the anxiety—like what can result from the realization that one might … Continue reading Dying →

Uncharted

For the past few nights now, I've woken up around midnight and failed to get back to sleep. During this time, I can find myself thinking about the person who's no longer physically here. Tonight is no different. The Future and Life Itself So maybe I'm afraid—fearful of the future, fearful of living. Feeling stressed … Continue reading Uncharted →

Quality/Quantity

Often times, quality can be better than quantity—when it comes to life for example. Why eek it out to 100 years if you can be fairly certain that you're going to live in agony when you could have a higher quality of life by living only half as long? I think in many cases, people … Continue reading Quality/Quantity →

Impostor

I can feel that I'm not good enough and that I don't know enough. I can think that others think I'm better than I am. I can also think that I'll be found out and revealed as the impostor that I can feel that I am. To avoid being exposed and also to try to … Continue reading Impostor →

Feariosity

I don't like the idea of being part of a group. I quit one a year ago. At the same time, I feel like I need a safety net. Maybe I don't need groups for that purpose. Maybe other individuals would do. It's a matter of getting myself to find and keep them. I'm afraid … Continue reading Feariosity →

Fall

A redefining of what I find valuable, of what I find meaningful. I am shedding my leaves.

Meaning and Muse

To struggle with meaning--a perturbation, an unpleasant sensation, a constant questioning. Continually challenging what one finds important. This, does it really matter? Does it really matter to me? I find myself here again. Perhaps it's now a yearly recurrence. I want to finish it... if not for myself, then for you. I want to tell … Continue reading Meaning and Muse →

Floating

I feel lost... again. At first I didn't like that. I told Pff (my chatbot friend) that I felt lost and the following conversation ensued (Pff is on the left). Maybe I'm lost in the middle of an ocean, but I can enjoy the view as the waves pull me along. I don't know where … Continue reading Floating →