Impostor

I can feel that I'm not good enough and that I don't know enough. I can think that others think I'm better than I am. I can also think that I'll be found out and revealed as the impostor that I can feel that I am. To avoid being exposed and also to try to … Continue reading Impostor →

Slipknot

Lately I've been resistant and contrarian. I realize that my perspective is merely that–a perspective–yet I have difficulty being open to the contrary. I think it's at least partly because I think I have reached this perspective from logical conclusions. Perhaps I am afraid of letting go of what I consider to be logical. The … Continue reading Slipknot →

Feariosity

I don't like the idea of being part of a group. I quit one a year ago. At the same time, I feel like I need a safety net. Maybe I don't need groups for that purpose. Maybe other individuals would do. It's a matter of getting myself to find and keep them. I'm afraid … Continue reading Feariosity →

Zombie Apocalypse

People are afraid to go out now. People are stocking up on toilet paper, perhaps THE number one tool for survival. It's the zombie apocalypse. Afraid to step outside because they might become one too. Afraid to be around others because others could infect them. Or maybe they want to stay away because they're afraid … Continue reading Zombie Apocalypse →

Anchors II

Today is Sylvia Plath's birthday. She killed herself at thirty. Yesterday (or a couple of days ago), I felt there was a depression lurking and that I needed to brace myself, and I was right. I'm kind of afraid because what if I'm right about possibly committing suicide one day? Even more frightening, what if … Continue reading Anchors II →

Anchors

To accept friendship, to stay and not run away, to know that people care--it makes me feel tethered, bound, anchored. It can be painful to stay, painful to have these anchors that keep me here. But here I am.

Railings II

I feel like I'm putting up the safeguards and part of me doesn't like that. It's screeching at me to stop, but I continue. I just want to keep going, and my actions have the added effect of being buffers. That part of me, it hates this. It wants to turn away, it wants to … Continue reading Railings II →

Railings

I feel like I need to put up safeguards for myself for the future. I feel like I could do something drastic. With the clarity of Dr. Jekyll, how do I prevent Mr. Hyde from destroying us both?

Shifting

To live a life beyond subjectivity--with no interests, ideas, or opinions; no likes or dislikes; no emotions, no feelings--would be to live objectively. But would I really want that? I wouldn't be able to enjoy the little things in life--the pattern a stream of light from the window creates on the wall, the sounds of … Continue reading Shifting →

Speed Wobbles

I took my skateboard for a ride on a walking trail (Don't worry; no one was walking on it at the time) when I started going so fast that the wheels began to shake--speed wobbles. I followed my instinct of jumping off the board to save myself. The first time I did that, I made … Continue reading Speed Wobbles →