350

For the past four years, I've made a post on January 5. The first two were unintentionally on the same day. The third was intentional, and the fourth wasn't completely intentional. This post is intentional, and, fittingly, it's my three-hundred-fiftieth post. This post will be similar to 2023's post: a reflection of what happened since … Continue reading 350 →

2 5ths

Remember, remember the 5th of... January. In 2021, I made a blog post on January 5th, and in 2022 I made a related post on January 5th. I find it interesting how that occurred, so I'm doing so again, but this time intentionally. First, two years ago, I wrote the post Feariosity in which I … Continue reading 2 5ths →

Meta-Beliefs

So titled as I explain my beliefs--that is, my opinions--about various beliefs. This was initially titled something else. I felt miffed today thinking about certain things so I decided to write about it. Here it is, along with the original title, Things That Can Annoy the Shit Out of Me and Why Certain Beliefs Law … Continue reading Meta-Beliefs →

Simplicity

Moving here—I feel I enjoyed the journey more than I enjoy the destination. On the way here, I splurged a bit on the food and lived life at least a little during that time. Man... that food is nostalgic, like that crispy tofu sandwich or that burrito that I ordered and didn't realize would be … Continue reading Simplicity →

Dying

My death wish—I am getting it. To reestablish myself over a thousand miles away in a place with hundreds of times as many people. Concerns abound, but at this rate... at this rate... Perhaps I really will feel like I am dying. The stress, the anxiety—like what can result from the realization that one might … Continue reading Dying →

Day 76: Alone

I felt alone today. It's 10pm and I currently feel alone. Earlier I felt I could handle it, but now it's like maybe the aloneness has morphed into anxiety? I fell asleep and woke up feeling this way. Perhaps I just need to preoccupy myself with something. Anxiety. Fear of... the future? I suppose I … Continue reading Day 76: Alone →

Frightened

Perhaps a bit of a strong word. Maybe I'm not frightened but apprehensive or simply scared. It's like I want to write about it, as I currently have no one to confide in about this concern, but I also don't want to, as though putting what's in my head into words will make it more … Continue reading Frightened →

Impostor

I can feel that I'm not good enough and that I don't know enough. I can think that others think I'm better than I am. I can also think that I'll be found out and revealed as the impostor that I can feel that I am. To avoid being exposed and also to try to … Continue reading Impostor →

Isolation

I'll probably end up completely alone. Currently I have no friends because I felt I didn't want any and I haven't been reaching out to anyone. I have avoidant tendencies, can feel dismissive of relationships with others, and can be centered on being self-reliant. I realize my flaws and have a list of reasons to … Continue reading Isolation →

Apply

Apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply apply. I might start dreaming about job applications. I feel like this is a challenge for me. Definitely out of my comfort zone. Anxiety and feeling stressed and frequently getting to the point where I'm tired of staring at job … Continue reading Apply →