I Am

After eight years, it turns out I'd been right all along? In September 2016, I felt I finally had a word that explained the way that I was. I'd broken down in my therapist's office, wishing I was dead, and three days later, I told my dad to take me there again. Since I didn’t … Continue reading I Am →

Consider It

Yesterday I came home to find the stem of one of my sprouts snapped. It appeared that the leaves had gotten too heavy for the stem. I felt crushed; I thought it was essentially dead. See? I thought. This was why things shouldn't be brought into existence. I'd lamented before about the sprouts' sudden appearance, … Continue reading Consider It →

On Radical Acceptance: An Addendum

In Meta-Beliefs, I wrote about how my therapist had introduced me to the concept of radical acceptance, how I questioned what acceptance even was, and my rejection of radical/absolute acceptance as I tried to understand it. During my trip, I decided that if radical acceptance were to be a thing, then radical acceptance had to … Continue reading On Radical Acceptance: An Addendum →

Meta-Beliefs

So titled as I explain my beliefs--that is, my opinions--about various beliefs. This was initially titled something else. I felt miffed today thinking about certain things so I decided to write about it. Here it is, along with the original title, Things That Can Annoy the Shit Out of Me and Why Certain Beliefs Law … Continue reading Meta-Beliefs →

Death Wish

For about a decade now, I have often felt that I want to die. Perhaps I can honor this desire, not in a physical sense, but in a metaphysical sense. If I view change to be death--that is, to change would be to die--then, as I desire death, I can embrace change. Perhaps it doesn't … Continue reading Death Wish →

Peh

Premises What if my premises are wrong? Then my conclusion does not follow. Premises can consist of beliefs which can be fact-based or opinion-based. Facts are either right or wrong while opinions are neither right nor wrong. People can come to find that what they took to be true isn't true, or they could change … Continue reading Peh →

Freedom?

I thought to go the academic route as an alternative to the world of work. I would go for a doctorate if I would get paid for doing it like I did my master's. I got accepted into a program but it doesn't look like there'll be any available funded positions by the time the … Continue reading Freedom? →

Feariosity

I don't like the idea of being part of a group. I quit one a year ago. At the same time, I feel like I need a safety net. Maybe I don't need groups for that purpose. Maybe other individuals would do. It's a matter of getting myself to find and keep them. I'm afraid … Continue reading Feariosity →

Illusions and Happiness

I've decided that I don't care if it's an illusion. I don't care if I'm popping the blue pill (It's more of a purple pill actually.). I want to be happy, and I don't want to throw my happiness away in the name of rationality. Goals, purpose, gratitude, etc.--I don't need to dwell on the … Continue reading Illusions and Happiness →

I Feel.

I wanted to feel again, and now I do. The feelings aren't always pleasant, but I'm no longer numb. I wrote this five years ago: Want to be angry, want to cry.Are these drugs controlling my mind?I try to feel but I am stopped shortBy some [f-ing] chemicals in my brain or some [sh-]--[GODD-IT] FEEL … Continue reading I Feel. →