I'm not a man. I'm not a woman. To go from being referred to as one to the other—it's helped me realize that not only am I not one, I am not and don't want to be the other either. Yet I will continue to drink the polyjuice potion tea. And when referred to as … Continue reading Not-dentity
Us
Around the end of August/beginning of September, I'd gotten the idea of relating the spiritual idea of fragmentation to dissociative identity disorder (DID) after seeing Brina Ryce's YouTube post about their being diagnosed with DID. They were announcing the upcoming release of their book In the Beginning There Was Us. Their post reignited my interest … Continue reading Us
Synthesis
The sprouts are really sproutin'. I moved the taller one in the lid (as pictured here) to the jar. With the unexpected appearance of my newly acquired sprouts, I've had an idea in mind. One of the things that can get me about life is that organisms eat each other to sustain said life. This, to … Continue reading Synthesis
Buddies
Yesterday, I looked in my unkempt (some might even say "disgusting") kitchen sink and found it looked like something was growing. I was so confused. I was like, "I know I don't clean my sink often but how tf did I grow a plant?" I thought it may have sprouted from a bean. At first … Continue reading Buddies
Actualized
I've mentioned making an interactive story (which I made with the visual novel engine Ren'Py). I had recently dabbled with Ren'py and thought I could use it as a way to convey my ideas, but I didn't have an idea for a full story. Then I got a therapy assignment to think of what reaching … Continue reading Actualized
Ultimate
Before our session, I usually send my therapist an email of what I want them to know or what I want to discuss. Here is what I've included in one of those emails. Human In the last session, I agreed that I didn't want to be human, but something about that statement didn't seem quite … Continue reading Ultimate
Trans-Human
I stepped outside today. For a dental cleaning. After a couple of years since I last had one, I was finally getting it done. But then it didn't happen due to a staffing issue. And so I returned home feeling I had broken my "staying inside" streak for nothing. I scheduled one elsewhere, somewhere that … Continue reading Trans-Human
Self
I did it. Three hours of sleep, another day of work neglect, and several hours of attempts later, I finally managed to install the frigging operating system. I recently programmed an interactive story in which I mentioned envisioning myself alone with a computer or three, and, less than a week later, there I was with … Continue reading Self
Wired
It's three a.m. and, for the past five hours, I'd been trying to install a new operating system (OS) on my old laptop. This is the most barebones OS I've ever tried to install, a lot of doing things I either haven't done in a while or have never done before, but I'm figuring it … Continue reading Wired
Closeted
Successfully evade having to interact with a maintenance person by hiding in my closet the entire time: check. I did zero work today because I’ve been worrying mad about various things (yay for anxiety and feeling too much…) and I spent the day in a closet instead. It feels safe in here, a sanctuary from … Continue reading Closeted
Currently Untitled 