If I have friends, I'll want to drop them; Losing interests is my hobby. I'm compelled to walk this path-- The path of one and only. To ignore me is to cut me,But don't take notice; I'm not worthy.The pain runs deepAnd yet it feels so good to bleed. Walking this wayWill rust the chainsThat … Continue reading Final Destination
Bound
I realize that my view of life as inherently meaningless is just that: a point of view. Wanting to be outside of it, to think beyond it, yet still being within it. There might never be a resolution, as I return here again and again. I acknowledge that I am limited by the confines of … Continue reading Bound
Meaningful Meaninglessness
It's strange, this world of paradoxes. Finding meaning in the potential pointlessness of it all. Finding sweetness in the bitter and bitterness in the sweet--cloying. If there is nothing, even nothing could be considered a member of something. Less questioning and feeling silly about my actions, for if everything is equally meaningless then perhaps everything … Continue reading Meaningful Meaninglessness
Dark Chocolate
When the chocolate is bitter yet we choose to eat of it anyway, why is this so? Does the bitterness enhance the sweetness? But what of it when all that's left is a lingering bitterness? Do we--do I--secretly enjoy this taste? And in this moment I love life.
Gone
What will become of me when they are gone? Will I let go or will I hang on? Thrive in the absence or wither and fall? What will become of me when they are gone, no longer here to save me from the greatest danger of all?
Something More
Appreciating what already is rather than striving for more. Hedonic adaptation causes constant stretching and constant reaching, leads to rarely resting and taking it all for granted. Reflecting on life, wondering if this is all there is, if there is nothing more. Why should there be more? Be glad that I don't have to fulfill … Continue reading Something More
Contentment in Unhappiness
I like it here. It feels stable. It's not a happiness that can so easily slip away, and it's not an uphill battle to feel better. It simply is. Maybe it's not unhappiness after all.
Lenses
Where and when we were born, the culture we were raised in, who raised us, the situations we encountered... so much can shape how we view life. It's not about winning people over to your point of view. If a particular approach to life works for you, then great; embrace it. But don't expect that … Continue reading Lenses
Self-Defense
I'm struggling against myself. Emotional masochism. Wanting to take myself down. Resisting. I don't want to give in, but I want to give in. But I don't want to give in.
Illusions/Excuses
Correlations with positive, hopeful moods: Goals Gratitude Meaning and sense of purpose Those seem important in fending off existential dread and feelings of wanting to die, but I don't care anymore. My interests and viewpoints change so often that it can be difficult to keep goals. Aiming for the same thing day after day becomes … Continue reading Illusions/Excuses
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