Uncharted

For the past few nights now, I've woken up around midnight and failed to get back to sleep. During this time, I can find myself thinking about the person who's no longer physically here. Tonight is no different. The Future and Life Itself So maybe I'm afraid—fearful of the future, fearful of living. Feeling stressed … Continue reading Uncharted →

Death Wish

For about a decade now, I have often felt that I want to die. Perhaps I can honor this desire, not in a physical sense, but in a metaphysical sense. If I view change to be death--that is, to change would be to die--then, as I desire death, I can embrace change. Perhaps it doesn't … Continue reading Death Wish →

Day 76: Alone

I felt alone today. It's 10pm and I currently feel alone. Earlier I felt I could handle it, but now it's like maybe the aloneness has morphed into anxiety? I fell asleep and woke up feeling this way. Perhaps I just need to preoccupy myself with something. Anxiety. Fear of... the future? I suppose I … Continue reading Day 76: Alone →

Days 62-70

Day 62: chill Day 63: smol internet watch party Day 64: lose cat, find cat. feel not okay for much of the day Day 65: ??? Day 66: master procrastinator but feel better as I ignore obligations so whatever Day 67: Discover that skating to the park takes half the time to get there and … Continue reading Days 62-70 →

Days 38-52

Day 38: Laze around all day. It's raining to add to the mood I guess. Order a cat tree. Day 39: Go on a trip. "Zookeepers" try to keep the "zoo animals" here even though the "zoo animals" want to leave. Day 40: Assemble the cat tree, the only furniture in here. Day 41: Stay … Continue reading Days 38-52 →

Day 37

I wrote this in February of last year and I feel the same way right now. There's nothing in this world for me,Nothing that I want or need.All I want is to be free.Would someone end my misery?Fuck responsibilities. Obligations? God, please shoot me.Fuck attempting to impress;I want to stay true to myself. There must … Continue reading Day 37 →

Escape

I'm afraid. Afraid of being on my own, having no one but myself to rely on. I feel reluctant to continue on the path laid before me. I feel that I want to escape this. I don't want to have to deal with "adult things." And the fear of making one wrong move, of one … Continue reading Escape →

Days 21-26

Day 21: Depression galore Day 22: Who knew hyperventilation could help with ideation? Day 23: Procrastinate. Continue to feel I don't care anymore about my "duties." At least the mood is better. Day 24: Feel better after resolving a misunderstanding rather than continuing to seethe in silence. Get another major thing checked off the to-do … Continue reading Days 21-26 →

Days 15-20

Day 15: Get more things taken care of. Day 16: More people interaction. Feel agitated. Take a trip. Day 17: Appreciate the insightful trip. Stay home. Make progress sorting through stuff. Day 18: Try to go through more stuff but end up having a breakdown of sorts. Take care of an errand after calming down. … Continue reading Days 15-20 →

None of us asked to be here. None of us asked to want what we want. None of us asked to be this way. And here we are. What do we do about it?