Days 31 & 32

Day 31: After agonizing over the uncertainty, have anxiety about the certainty. Day 32: Find old writing of mine criticizing society and the state of the world and feel the same existential dread. Have an "unplanned" therapy session (yay validation!) then feel inspired to try again to get some extra protection, which involves people interaction. … Continue reading Days 31 & 32 →

Day 30

Anxiety after interacting with people during a self-imposed errand. Why is it that I can be fine during interactions, but after it feels like razor blades? Still waiting. Wonder if I should be doing more in this regard or just hope for the best with the one application. Entertain the idea of quitting everything and … Continue reading Day 30 →

Day 29

Irritability. Feel stressed as the days are passing. Go from looking forward to the future to dreading it. Wishing decisions and dates were known rather than uncertain.

Days 27 & 28

Day 27: Get a tiny bit of work done and make some progress, but mostly procrastinate. Revel in the current simplicity and chillness of my life. Day 28: Feel anxious about the (academic) path before me as I feel that I'm out of my element, don't know what I'm doing, and don't really want to … Continue reading Days 27 & 28 →

Days 21-26

Day 21: Depression galore Day 22: Who knew hyperventilation could help with ideation? Day 23: Procrastinate. Continue to feel I don't care anymore about my "duties." At least the mood is better. Day 24: Feel better after resolving a misunderstanding rather than continuing to seethe in silence. Get another major thing checked off the to-do … Continue reading Days 21-26 →

Days 15-20

Day 15: Get more things taken care of. Day 16: More people interaction. Feel agitated. Take a trip. Day 17: Appreciate the insightful trip. Stay home. Make progress sorting through stuff. Day 18: Try to go through more stuff but end up having a breakdown of sorts. Take care of an errand after calming down. … Continue reading Days 15-20 →

Day 14

Find myself unable to fall back asleep, after napping for an hour or two, until four in the morning. But have to wake up early for a meeting. Feel more confident for some reason. In the meeting, ask questions regardless of whether they might be considered stupid or not. On an errand, communicate with someone … Continue reading Day 14 →

Day 13

Fail to sleep through the night, and at 2 AM, start freaking out that I might have contracted the plague. Feel weird—even under the influence—all day and not know why. For some moments, feel that the someone is there but also that I'm possibly imagining things. Feel that I don't have many regrets and eagerly … Continue reading Day 13 →

Day 12

Decide to forgo the melatonin and end up awake until 2am looking through stuff. Spend much of the day outside. Fail again like yesterday to get the car unstuck from the mud but make good progress going through stuff. Think of a way that will potentially simplify the relocation process. Feel grateful that there are … Continue reading Day 12 →

Days 7-11

Day 7: Make a little progress. So many pictures found. Pictures of the past make me wonder who I am. Day 8: Depression and procrastination continue. A lot of melatonin. Day 9: irritability, more procrastination, more melatonin Day 10: acquire remnants, make a little more progress, take a ton more melatonin Melatonin problem? What melatonin … Continue reading Days 7-11 →