Day 146: More enjoying my leisure time. Enjoy time outside. Find a book online and finish it. Day 147: make up for getting sidetracked yesterday and spend the day learning Day 148: The studying. The slight burn out. But I want to know the thiiiiiiings! Day 149: Wonder why I care so much. Why should … Continue reading Days 146-152 →

Day 140: Stress becomes amusement and excitement. Have an uncomfortable discussion during therapy involving unwarranted shame. Bite the bullet and submit an application. Day 141: Decide not to take the trip vector on the trip with me and to get rid of it, but write about how it's helped me over the years (I regret … Continue reading Days 140-145 →

Day 133: After feeling stressed about it, find it funny how I feel I don't know what I'm doing yet I'm being thrust into it thanks to the Opportunity (The Thing). Feel I'm just going with the flow. Too glued to my computer to get much done. Unintentionally find inspiration that reignites my excitement for … Continue reading Days 133-139 →

Day 128: Get the bug fixing done that I started on and didn't figure out how to fix yesterday. Feel accomplished and that I made good progress on the thing that I once felt I had no incentive to finish (Day 61). Feel the sadness/depression when I take breaks. Aside from the aloneness, perhaps I … Continue reading Days 128-132 →

Day 120: Productivity. Feel taken aback by people believing in me. Feel motivated to learn as much as I can. Day 121: Not as productive as I could be and seems I might be falling behind but feel it's whatever. Day 122: Learn stuff related to the project rather than actually working on the project. … Continue reading Days 120-127 →

Day 115: the feeling of disinterest for my field continues Day 116: Find life tedious. Anxiety and sadness about my current life ending already. So much change so soon and so many concerns (at least four). Hearken back on "death as change" and complete the required tasks to continue the process. Day 117: In an … Continue reading Days 115-119 →

Day 106: Start to feel that my abilities are inadequate but then laugh it off. Freak out about the potential life changing event because things seem to be happening so fast. Drink some herbal tea to calm down and get a lot of stuff done, to the point where I can't seem to stop working … Continue reading Days 106-114 →

Day 101: Laugh about a potential mistake that comes from my jumping the gun before getting confirmation (I haven't completely screwed up, right? Right!?) and feel surprised and happy about "those people" responding (day 99). Existential depression from earlier later turned to anxiety about next day social situation. Why can't we just do everything online? … Continue reading Days 101-105 →

Day 92: Wonder why I'm so hyper. Day 93: More hyperness. And emotions. Feel them. Get an update on the potentially life changing event at a significant time. Day 94: Not trying to make things happen and not trying to prevent them ("sabotage" myself) either. After being in a good mood, have my daily existential … Continue reading Days 92-100 →

Day 86: A better mood than yesterday. Feel overwhelmed after carrying out errands involving extensive people-interaction. The few hours of sleep don't help. Beneath the anxiety seems to be aloneness. Cry about the person I hugged last... who last hugged me. Day 87: Hit by depression but get to recuperate after yesterday's foray into the … Continue reading Days 86-91 →