Ultimate

Before our session, I usually send my therapist an email of what I want them to know or what I want to discuss. Here is what I’ve included in one of those emails.

Human

In the last session, I agreed that I didn’t want to be human, but something about that statement didn’t seem quite resonant with me. Maybe it’s more so I don’t want to be human as we know it. Or maybe it’s beyond just human, because it’s not like I would want to be a cat or something either. I feel a large part of my issue is the obligation of interacting with others (and then there’s having to do stuff like feed myself and all that other biological function stuff). Or that there are others. Or something like that. Maybe “I don’t want to be human,” as you said about me, is a succinct way of putting it, actually. So… I agree: I don’t want to be human.

Maybe I’m turning your humanistic therapy approach into a trans- or post-humanistic approach. Omg those people were right: the trans agenda is tainting everything! 😨 /joke

I think I don’t even want to be a computer. The computer is the tool, the means, an intermediary, a bridge to the next level. Although, I can think that I’d prefer if I wasn’t obligated to directly interact with others and could be out of the foreground, behind (above, below, outside of?) the scenes of this physical plane of existence. Now that I think about it, it does sound like having one’s consciousness uploaded to a computer could fit this criteria… But maybe that would be a channel to something else, something even greater.

Big Ultimate Bridge

“Bridge to the next level” was how my karate instructor interpreted Taikyoku shodan, the name of the kata we’d learn as beginners. I looked it up and apparently it actually translates to something like “big ultimate.” That sounds like a fucking burger.

But if taikyoku translates to “big ultimate” and shodan translates to “beginning degree,” then taikyoku shodan could be seen as… the “big ultimate beginning” or “beginning the big ultimate.” According to one website, “Taikyoku is often interpreted as meaning ‘First Cause’ or ‘Basic Ultimate’ to denote its basic yet important nature.” [source]

Now I’m thinking about “first cause”/”basic ultimate” and “bridge to the next level” in the context of computers being used as a bridge from this human-ness, and potentially being some “big ultimate beginning” or it “beginning the big ultimate.” (Man, I could go for a big, juicy vegan burger.)