Closeted

Successfully evade having to interact with a maintenance person by hiding in my closet the entire time: check.

I did zero work today because I’ve been worrying mad about various things (yay for anxiety and feeling too much…) and I spent the day in a closet instead. It feels safe in here, a sanctuary from the big, bright, open world out there that can seem like it’s ready to eat you alive and swallow you whole. Then cough you back up, chew you to pieces, and spit you out.

My yummy tea, of which the concentration has been increased, has led to my being addressed in a preferable way on the phone today, for like the first time in my life I think, so that was pretty awesome. (Yet at the same time, I’m back in a literal closet…) I’m back to liking my voice after a whole occurrence yesterday that led me to be awake in anxiety at four in the morning. So August got off to a bit of a shaky start and had me yet again reconsidering my two-and-a-half month therapy break. I had hoped this tea would take the edge off my excessive feelings and worrying and such, but seemingly not.

Hiding from maintenance was a risk (because they could have opened the closet door), but I did it. Now to continue making it through the rest of this month, because there’s something I’m excited to do near the end of it. It involves my going out into the big, open, bright world, but I feel the person I’m going out there for is safe. A friend.