Begending

My mundane but extraordinary accomplishments this week:

• I managed to order groceries after three to four weeks of struggling to do so
  • existential dysphoria (“Ugh, having to feed myself SUCKS.”) and just finding it easier and more preferable not to bother
• I got the inspection over with!!

So, regarding the latter, I made it through those “next two days.” And my two-and-a-half-month break from therapy officially started two days ago. With the break, I’m hoping to gain perspective, to take a step back and see the bigger picture… or something like that. And to focus on something else right now.

I’ve been feeling quite happy. Happy to have done the things that I’ve done. Happy to have support. And though I spend a lot of time alone, happy to have done the connecting I’ve done. I’m glad that I’ve thought to myself, Memento mori, when considering doing something and that such a thought has incited me to go through with it. I’m happy where that’s led me.

I have an app called Questions Diary and last night’s question was, “Do you think you’ve already found who you really are?” Perhaps finding myself is more of a journey than a destination. Maybe I can never really “find” myself, can never really pinpoint myself, as I’m constantly moving. Flowing. Being. Becoming.

I’ve been reflecting on my previous writing project lately. The end. The beginning. Perhaps they really are one in the same. Like the last and one of the first trips I had. I’m so curious to get someone’s insight on this. I wonder what they’ll have to say.