Six years ago was my first stay in the psychiatric unit after driving in search of a place to kill myself. It seems significant this year because of the similar feelings. Maybe it’s because I’ve no longer been taking medications for over two years, so I’ve like… “regulated.” I don’t know.
In addition to dying, I’ve been feeling a lot like giving up in general–forget taking care of my health, forget trying anymore. But I’m familiar with what it’s like to have given up. I’m familiar with the results of self-destruction. What I want to know instead is where this will lead. In this moment, I feel the same way about staying alive. What will happen, what will become of me, if I keep going?
Currently Untitled 