Questioning

I feel… I suppose dissatisfied with life. Life isn’t necessarily about anything in particular and yet people try to make it so. In the United States and similar countries, it’s about working… and stuff like “being responsible.” Maybe this resembles my experience when I had that internship in college: it’s society’s version of success. But nevermind “success.” Maybe there’s really no such thing; it’s just something humans have made up, like nearly everything else, and it helps them to make sense of life. Maybe feeling the way that I feel is just part of acknowledging that perhaps none of this is truly meaningful or matters, at least in the way we think it does.

In general, in this culture, parents raise children with the goal that those children will “mature” and leave the home. But I’m 26 and I still haven’t done that. I’m not even sure I want to bother. Why should I? Because “society” says I should? I’m reminded of when I was 14 and questioning what was so bad about being a virgin forever. Sex isn’t something that I need or want, and maybe it’s the same with being “mature.”

To stop thinking in terms of what it seems most people want or think should be done, and instead to tune into what I really want… perhaps that is what I would be better off doing. I don’t think there really is a “should.” Rather life just is, and people have been choosing to make and follow all these rules and expectations that aren’t really there, that are just figments of our imaginations.

So, self, nevermind those rules and expectations. What is it you really want?